Lucy Lawless Arrested

Lucy Lawless was arrested last week in a protest for Greenpeace. Really, Lucy Lawless was arrested? In related news, Joseph Spineless backed out of a fight, Kelly Brainless could not think of an answer, Ralph Shoeless couldn't walk in the store, Mary Heartless said something unkind, Kevin Hairless didn't need a comb, Marie Sightless needed glasses, Detective Clueless couldn't solve the case....

A Philosophical Approach to the NFL Draft? Could be...

Jean Paul Sartre was an intense football fan. He loved the NFL. He mentored draft guru Mel Kiper. Here is his strategy on running an NFL draft::

"The NFL Draft? You seriously are asking me about the NFL draft. If I were an NFL general manager, I would pursue one strategy. I would trade down my first, second, and third round draft choices for additional choices in the fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh rounds. Then, I would take those draft picks, and trade them for 'players-to-be-named later' and 'supplemental' draft choices. I would sell off those choices for the Dreyfus Affair, the Gutenberg Press, and for finding out the meaning of this cup of coffee. The ideal draft would be if the Commissioner would go to the podium to announce that my team had no draft choices at all for this year and for the foreseeable future. Now, leave me. No existentialism for you!"

Hal Could He Do This?

Keir Dullea, American actor best-known for the role of David Bowman in 2001: A Space Odyssey has asked his local Apple Store to remove the voiced computer assistant device called "Siri" from his newly purchased iphone 4. We wonder why….

Ravens already Preparing for 2012 Home Game Against Steelers

The Baltimore Ravens are already preparing for next year's contest vs the Pittsburgh Steelers by planning to place the picture you see here all over the visiting locker when the Steelers are in town. A Raven official explained, "We felt if we put in there pictures of something none of them have seen before, it would upset them just enough to throw them off mentally for the game."

Allen Iverson having difficulty with transition to Coach

When NBA legend Allen Iverson accepted the position as head coach of the Iowa State University Corn Rats men's basketball program, he knew he would have to undergo a period of transitioning from player to coach- he just wasn't prepared for how difficult that transition would be. "The thing is," said Iverson in a recent interview, "is that our team has no problem getting up for the official competitions. It's the pregame sessions where we rehearse our plays and physically and mentally train, that the players seem unmotivated to either attend or put forth much effort. In the contests themselves, everything seems to click. But the blocks of time where we get together as a team to go over our plays again and again, that's the thing they can't seem to get into. It just doesn't make any sense and our staff and myself just can't figure out the reason for it."

Famous Birthday Today!

Heinrich Rudolf Hertz (February 22, 1857 – January 1, 1894) was a German physicist who clarified and expanded the electromagnetic theory of light that had been put forth by James Clerk Maxwell. He was the first to conclusively prove the existence of electromagnetic waves by engineering instruments to transmit and receive radio pulses using experimental procedures that ruled out all other known wireless phenomena. (Wikipedia). His last years were bitter ones. Due to having been given the unfortunate nickname in childhood of “Dick”, the scientist spent the last years of his life using snuff and taken to drinking; the local children and neighborhood ne’re-do-wells had tortured him relentlessly whenever he left his house with the chant “Who’s Dick Hertz? Not Mine!”…Sad!

MLB Joke of the Week Returns!

Why did the Orioles give up pursuing 'Free Agents'? They found out they weren't really free!

TV focus: Dexter

Dexter is a TV show about a serial killer (Dexter) who only kills other serial killers. What an asshole!

ILIANA PAPAGEORGIOU

Όταν προέρχονται από την κουλτούρα που γέννησε το έσχατο όραμα της ομορφιάς, που της Ωραίας Ελένης, το πρόσωπο που ξεκίνησε χιλιάδες πλοία, έχετε πολλά να ζήσουν μέχρι. Για αυτή την ελληνικήομορφιά, που ζει περισσότερο παρά σε αυτό, που ξεπερνά ακόμη και αυτό που οι ιδρυτές της δημοκρατίαςθα μπορούσε να φανταστεί. Είναι η ίδια ομορφιά. Θα μπορούσε να ξεκινήσει μια χιλιάδες πλοία, ένα εκατομμύριο καρδιές, και ένα ανείπωτο αριθμό αισθαντική όνειρα.

"Whoopsie of the Month Award" Given to Jessica Ahlqusit

Sixteen year-old Jessica Ahlquist was awarded a 40,000 dollar college scholarship by the American Humanist Association for standing up for to her school's use of a prayer banner. When hearing the news, the self-proclaimed atheist Alquist exclaimed, "I won a 40,000 dollar scholarship?? Thank God!"....OOOOOHHHH! We got you, little Miss Perfect Atheist!  Who exactly were you thanking for your scholarship, some floating cosmic protoplasm?? We saw what you did! No scholarship for you! We guess you’ll have to earn your scholarship like all the non-atheists, by lying on the application. Sorry! 

Dundalk Man Shows Honesty Still Best Policy

We all get tired of the news focusing on what's negative in the world, so when we hear a story about good old-fashioned honesty, it touches the heart. Sal Dorcharp, 61, of Dundalk MD, discovered a wallet lying on the sidewalk not far from his home. The wallet belonged to Vic Hemple, 48, a factory worker from Middle River, MD. Hemple had just withdrawn 1,000.00 dollars from his bank account in order to pay his mortgage and feed his family of four when he dropped his wallet. Who among us would have done the noble act that Sal Dorcharp did and return 100 of those 1,000 dollars to the rightful owner? "I saw his driver's license in the wallet and knew taking the entire 1,000 dollars would have been wrong. I thought to myself, 'hey, it's still 900 dollars found money'. Anyway, I was raised to always do the right thing, and returned the wallet with the 100 bucks."  Hemple, the recipient of this noble gesture, remarked that he was grateful that good people are still out there. "Even though I won't be able to make the mortgage, with those 100 bucks, we should be able to eat this week."

Anniversary of Kevin Costner's American University Speech

Today marks the 50th Anniversary of Kevin Costner's historic American University Nuclear Test Ban Treaty speech given on February 19, 1962. Below is a photograph and text of the Speech from that day:

"Well, I believe in the soul. The cock. The pussy. The small of a woman's back. The hanging curveball. High fiber. Good scotch. That the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a Constitution Amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas eve. And I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days...Goodnight."

The Greeks and Romans

Did you know that the Ancient Greeks actually invented their own versions of the iphone, the internet, and the smartphone? Did you further know that the Ancient Romans had Lasix surgery, solar energy, nuclear power, and flat-screen televisions? Well, it’s true. What happened you ask? The Dark Ages, man, that's what happened. I am talking here about the 5th to 15th Centuries AD. I am talking about the cultural, intellectual, and economic deterioration of the Western World following the decline of the Roman Empire. These ages were seriously dark. Think where we'd all be now without the Dark Ages. 

Question of the Day

Question of the Day: Will you be my Valentine?

Answer: No.

New Movies In the Works!

Does More than Hurt Robots' Feelings

Gives Zombies What For

Kicks the Shit out of Aliens

Hollywood is nothing if not a copy-cat industry. So it comes as no surprise to hear that, following the buzz created by the new film, Lincoln: Vampire Slayer, a whole new genre of films is set for production. Milliard Fillmore: Robot Assassin, James K. Polk: Zombie Destroyer, William Howard Taft: Alien Annihilator are among the most promising. Cool!

Joelle Kayembe

Hier is 'n pragtige model van die land van Suid-Afrika.Ons HPE jy geniet die foto en terug te keer na die blog.Dankie.

Editors Note

Due to the swift and overwhelmingly negative response to the nascent segment, 'MLB Joke of the Week", the segment has been officially dropped by the blog. 

Jeremy Lin

While the Jeremy Lin phenomenon sweeps the world, some slogans are perhaps not as sensitive as others. The slogan "Linsanity" is particularly cruel considering that Lin is, in fact, clinically insane.

New World Record in Drug-Dealer Olympics!

Gold-Winner seeing no jail tonight!

Kyle Doyle, of The Hague, set a new world-record at the 99th World Drug-Dealer Olympics being held this year in Jamaica, New York, when he kicked his incriminating drug stash a whopping 17 feet into an underbrush on the side of the road as his car was stopped and searched by the police. Not only did Doyle break the previous record of 15 feet set back in 1997 by a Rastafarian, but the stash was so skillfully kicked, it could not be found!

MLB Joke of the Week

We are trotting out a new segment for the blog due to the spectacular success of "NFL Joke of the Week". Desperate for any further success whatsoever, we are introducing the "MLB Joke of the Week". We hope you like it.

Why can’t the Orioles drive their car this year? They don’t have a starter!

Political Surprise

Republican candidate Rick Santorum announced yesterday that, if nominated, he will choose electronica performance-artist Deadmau5 as his running-mate. I like to follow all this political stuff, but, to be frank, I did not see that coming. 

NFL Joke of The Week

Why did Mario Manningham get an invitation from Ringling Bros? They saw him make a 'circus" catch!

Gingrich Moon Colony

Newt Gingrich wants to build a moon colony for the 51st state? Yes, I realize this is old news but my computer has been down for a few weeks. Anyway, seems old Newt wants Audrey Meadows to be the colony's first resident. Strange!