This is my live-blogging on what's on TV if you live in Baltimore and don't have cable. The road ahead will be perilous and fraught with danger, as well as the tragic acknowledgement that you watch "THIS" network. But we tarry on,
*12:02 pm Channel 45.1 Jack Hannah's Wild-life World. Jack is looking at some manatee. No, it's not his mother-in-law, its a real manatee. Jack brings his family along on all his shows so they too can join in the act of annoying poor animals. What strikes one as odd is that Jack won't take off his watch even when picking up a manatee.
*12:05pm Channel 45.2 "This"..something called "childhood toons"..some kind of kid show from the 1990's where we wonder if the actors are now grown and laying somewhere under a bridge or in a crack house. Very creepy show, all about awkwardness. Included is the screaming audience laugh track, played at even more hysterical levels than the audience laugh track from "Saved By The Bell". In fairness, "This" sometimes runs cool older films and a lot of theatrical films from the 80's and 90's.
*12:08pm Channel 45.3 The generic country video station, where all the videos seemed as if they were filmed by the same director. Awful.
*12:10pm Channel 54.1 A paid-infomercial which has a tighter dramatic structure and actors giving more nuanced performances than anything else I will see today. I really believe Armondo wants to help me sell real-estate.
*12:12pm Channel 54.2 We have landed into some kind of spiritual and emotional oasis with this "Cool TV"..playing music videos from every era. Now that's a good use of free TV. Playing now is "Cold War Kids". Imagine Blade Runner mixed with Black Swan and set to music from 89.7. Weird, but cool...as in "Cool TV".
*12:17pm Channel 2.1 Paid programming. One of those infomercials set up to look like a real TV talk show. Montel is talking with the psychic Sylvia Brown. Sylvia Brown's trick is to give everybody a positive reading. For example a lady will stand up.."Sylvia I just broke up with my"..Sylvia interrupts "Oh sit down honey! Your'e going to meet a nice man in two months and have two wonderful children! What are you wasting my time busting my chops?? Its all going to be okay"
*12:21pm 2.2 Channel Montel Williams in infomercial selling a juicer called "Health Master". Gross.
*12:22pm Channel 2.3 All-weather display from Channel 2. Looks like rain Sunday.
*12:23pm Channel 11.1 Willa's World Some kind of post-apocalyptic, post modern animation about some cruel girls viciously bullying some poor girl named CoCo. Imagine "The Book of Eli" combined with "Mean Girls" rendered with Cezanne drawings. Frightening.
*12:26pm Channel 11.2 A re-run of a simulcast of WBAL radio talk-show. There's nothing quite as exciting as a right-wing radio show taped and then shown three days later. Ron Smith looks really uncomfortable crawling around that studio.
*12:28pm Channel 13.1 Basketball! The un-cabled amongst us get real sports. Awesome!
*12:28pm Channel 22.1 PBS Actual good use of TV, some Dr giving ideas for folks working with dementia patients.
*12:30pm Channel 22.2 PBS, globe-trekker. Some lucky wench is getting paid to swim around the Coral reef. The best thing I'll do today is get a fresh chili-dog from 7-11. Is this fair? No.
*12:32pm Channel 22.3 PBS in Spanish. A show about someone who takes care of dogs. Funny to think that the dogs know more Spanish than I do.
So thats it. TV for the un-cabled on Saturday afternoon!
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