μουλάρι

"What is life? A madness. What is life? An illusion, a shadow, a story. And the greatest good is little enough; for all life is a dream, and dreams themselves are only dreams." 

-Pedro Calderon de la Barca 

Pollution Study

In 1981, Ronald Reagan told us that trees “cause pollution”. We all laughed. Ha Ha. Now, it turns out, that (of course) Reagan was right and we were wrong. A new study by the Environmental Studies Department of Berlin Polytechnic Institute reveals that trees have been causing pollution for decades, ruining cities and causing climate change. It makes no sense. Sad business. 

American Visionary Art Exhibit

The American Visionary Art Museum is opening a new exhibit this Saturday, Feb 9th. The collection is a group of photographs of laundry detergent taken in the mid-20th century. The title of the collection: "The Prints of Tides"

President Obama Chooses New Cabinet

President Obama was busy this week choosing a new cabinet. Get it? Cabinet?? Funny!

Cap'n Crunch Movie

The long-awaited film Cap’n Crunch is set to premier at the Sundance Film Festival this week. The film chronicles the adventures of Horatio Magellan Crunch and features Russell Crowe in the eponymous role.

NFL JOKE of THE WEEK SUPERBOWL STYLE

NFL joke of the Week: Why did Ray Lewis take Deer Antler Spray? Because he was "horny"!

Kathryn Bigelow Gets Oscar

Film director Kathyrn Bigelow was awarded an Oscar Thursday night. The “Zero Dark Thirty” director was granted custody of Oscar, a New York city-based sportswriter, struggling with arrested personal hygiene skills, anger-management control issues, and the housekeeping abilities of a four-year-old.  Crazy!

Catonsville Man Unwittingly Walked Around for Three Weeks in "Skipper" Pants

Ben Dover, of Catonsville, MD, walked around for the last three weeks wearing the same pants as 'Skipper" Jonas Grumby from 'Gilligan's Island'. "Everywhere I went, people were breaking up when I'd leave..I wasn't sure why, at least now I know." A little upset that no one informed him of what he was doing at at earlier point, Dover was grateful that a co-worker left an anonymous note on his desk last Tuesday. "Thank God, someone finally told me, but it would have been nice if it would have been sooner." Luckily, no one was injured in the three weeks of wearing the "Skipper" pants.

The Fall- And Rise of the Birds of Baltimore

It feels like autumn. The Bengals stopped by downtown Baltimore last night and, like many who come in from out-of-town, weren't ready for some Baltimore. Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco threw the rock all over the field, man, it was crazy. Speaking of crazy, in baseball the rest of the major leagues look in utter terror at the horrifying grotesque that is the macabre Oriole symbol, the grim rictus of the Bird. Horrifying to them because they can't figure out how a team with so little on-paper talent can win so many games. Get used to it baseball, we're going to scare the hell out of you in the next month. Okay maybe not scare you but hopefully pull a couple of upsets!

Dallas Cowboys

After much soul-searching, the Dallas Cowboys have decided to forego one of their team’s greatest traditions- the act of pretending your team has recovered every fumble regardless of how obvious it is that you didn’t. The tradition was created by Bob Lilly in a 1970 Thanksgiving Day game against the Washington Redskins when, after a Redskin’s fumble, Lilly began to leap up and down and excitedly point towards the Cowboys end-zone even though it was clear that the Redskins had maintained possession. After that play, the Cowboys have replayed this act each time a fumble occurs in one of their games. Will the Cowboys stick to their vow to end this embarrassing tradition? We will see tonight!

NFL Predictions 2012

All the MFers out there be making outside-the–box NFL predictions for 2012. I’m making my predictions all inside da box. Of course you know I pick the Ravens to win it all. The teams in the AFC to go with the Ravens into the play-offs will be the Patriots, Steelers, Texans, Broncos, and Chargers. The NFC will give us the Giants, Eagles, Packers, Bears, Saints, and 49ers. The Packers will meet (and lose to) the Ravens in the Big Superbowl Game. Got it?

Close Call at the Romney Office

You know that scene in movies where someone leaps and shouts “nooooo” while everything goes in slow motion? It’s usually when the protagonist of the film is trying to stop something such as a bomb from going off, a baby from being dropped, or a gun from being shot. Turns out the exact scene was played out at Mitt Romney’s office the other day when Mitt’s secretary buzzed him with the warning, “sir, Mr. Eastwood coming in to see you.” Well, being anything if not alert, Mitt made the cinematic slow-motion “nooo” leap towards the wall before Clint could open the door. Mitt yanked down his J.D. diploma from Harvard before Clint could see it…since Clint said the country doesn’t need “lawyers” in roles of leadership anymore. Whew, that was close!

Christie vacates convention!

What had happened was that Chris Christie had to leave his speech at the RNC to go help Tony rescue Christopher and Paulie from the Pine Barrens when the Russian that Christopher and Paulie were trying to whack escaped and left them there with no food and no car. Wow!

Shocking News from Hollywood

Hollywood was rocked by the stunning news recently revealed in Variety magazine that Hunter Vladamir, a promising young director working on his independent film directorial debut, has passed on featuring the actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt in his film. It is reportedly the first time a promising young director working on an independent feature film directorial debut has taken such action. Story developing....

President of the Day: Today we Celebrate: James K. Polk

MLB Joke of The Week

Why will the Orioles be too much for the Fortune list of top US companies? Because they will be greater than .500! 

Not so Fast, Republicans!

Figure this out: Jesus is sending Isaac, ie the bartender from the Love Boat, to Tampa Bay, ie Florida's version of Hoboken, to put a stop to the Nazis, ie the Republicans, from nominating the bully from the "Karate Kid', ie Mitt Romney, as President. I know it sounds like a lot of "ie's" but its all true!

Whats the Word?

Dr. Henry Jay Heimlich (born Henry Judah Heimlich; February 3, 1920) is an American physician who has received credit as the inventor of abdominal thrusts, more commonly known as the Heimlich maneuver. Did you know that this same Dr. Jay Heinrich Heimlich has a grandson, Cody, who is the star quarterback of the Garden City New Jersey Fighting Huguenots? Which just happens to be the most powerful high school football team on the entire eastern seaboard? Did you also know that this team was favored by three touchdowns against the Edison New Jersey Tungsten Filaments? But as the game unfolded, Heimlich missed open receivers, fumbled snaps, and generally crumbled under the pressure of securing an easy Championship victory. All coaches and local newspapers were at a loss as to how to adequately describe the phenomenon of a favored team failing to win a game through the actions of one player not performing anywhere near his capability. Sadly, grandpa could only stand on the sidelines and do nothing to prevent this from happening. Weird! 

Paul Ryan

Hey everybody, Paul Ryan got hisself two laws passed in 10 years in Congress. Thats two more laws than I got through in no years in Congress. One was a law about a tax on arrows; the other, naming a post office. As I said, better than me.