Mel Kiper: "This Year's Draft "one giant clusterf**k"

Mel Kiper's assessment of how teams did in the draft is "pretty much they all did awful." Wait, you mean every team did 'awful'? "Yes, every team did awful. Total disaster, from Cleveland to Miami. Choice after choice, wrong, wrong, wrong. All wrong. The current crop of general managers couldn't make a good draft choice if it fell out of the sky and hit them in the face. Pathetic. Especially horrendous were Dallas, Pittsburgh, the Rams, and Giants. Nothing but bad picks. But they aren't alone by any means. Everyone just basically sucked at the draft this year."

2012 NFL "Mock" Draft

Hey this is 2012 NFL "Mock" Draft. Hey, you 2012 NFL draft, you sure are a stupid draft; yeah I've seen better drafts at the church social. Aw, did someone hurt your widdle feelings, NFL draft? Yeah, I know, you're the NFL draft, you're all too good. Wow, you sure do suck, you NFL draft in 2012. You are the most worthless piece of excuse for a draft anyone has ever seen...Okay, so that's enough of the Mock draft.

Today, A Walk in the Woods..

Today I went for a walk in the woods. While walking, the sight pictured above appeared before me. God? I asked God why, if one wants to reference someone as being a person who can cleverly build anything out of anything, one only has the one example: MacGyver, a fictional character who was depicted in a drama that ended in 1992? Why aren't there any more recent examples of someone who can make a perpetual motion machine out of duct tape and a Swiss army knife? Then I thought, perhaps this is not the best use of time with the All Mighty. Then I thought, maybe that’s just the sun through some trees. Damn. That's some crazy stuff that happens when you go for a walk in the woods in Baltimore.

James Cameron Marries Titanic

Film director James Cameron is not a man to be trifled with. For a decade and a half, everywhere he went, people taunted him with the following jibe: "Hey Cameron, if you love the Titanic so much, why don't you marry it?' This is not a man with whom you want to present a challenge. Just last night, Cameron announced that he and the Titanic were married at the Albany State House. A quiet civil ceremony will be followed up with a week-long getaway to the Poconos. "I've been married before," said Cameron, but I think this one will really anchor me down." Get it, 'anchor me down?' That’s some good stuff from the newly-betrothed film director. “I came with a lot of baggage to the marriage, while all her baggage dissolved on the cold North Atlantic floor,” Cameron added. Good luck, you crazy kids. I guess you really are 'King of the World' now, James. 

On Braunschweiger

The finest food ever developed in modern times has been kept somewhat of a secret until now. This food is so malleable, so nutritious, so tasty, and so perfect, it will change your life forever with one taste. It was born in the town of Braunschweig, Germany. It is: Braunschweiger. A type of liverwurst, it is comprised of 40% pork liver, 30% pork jowl, 20% lean pork trimmings, and 10% bacon ends and pieces. Is there any part of that that doesn't scream delicious? We have but this one life, would it be wise to spend it not tasting this epicurean delicacy? No, it would not be wise. Get on down to the market and buy a batch right this minute. Oh yeah, get some bread too..you'll be wantin' to make a sammich!

Wow, You’re Rich…Super Rich!

Hey, you all, guess what, I'm the winner of the Maryland Mega Millions. Naw, you got me! You know what they say about someone who says they won some mega millions, but still gets on the computer to post to a stupid blog? "they lyin' ". Oh well, I met this lady the other day who told me she thought about naming her son "Randolph Emerson Baxter Astor III." I said, 'Wow, lady you must be rich to have a name like dat' and she said, "what rich, my last name is Johnson." Okay, so you all have a very lovely afternoon!

Happy Easter

Medical Shocker!

Kevin Windbanks of Essex Maryland sent shock-waves through the medical establishment on Monday evening. As a patient at St. Mercy Hospital in Baltimore, MD, when asked by a physician what his level of pain on a scale of 1 to 10 was, Windbanks replied "a 3". This occurred even though Windbanks had been receiving doses of morphine for his pain throughout his stay. "In 50 years we've never heard a patient in that situation give a rating of less than a 9," explained a St. Mercy Hospital administrator. Incredible!