Christie vacates convention!

What had happened was that Chris Christie had to leave his speech at the RNC to go help Tony rescue Christopher and Paulie from the Pine Barrens when the Russian that Christopher and Paulie were trying to whack escaped and left them there with no food and no car. Wow!

Shocking News from Hollywood

Hollywood was rocked by the stunning news recently revealed in Variety magazine that Hunter Vladamir, a promising young director working on his independent film directorial debut, has passed on featuring the actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt in his film. It is reportedly the first time a promising young director working on an independent feature film directorial debut has taken such action. Story developing....

President of the Day: Today we Celebrate: James K. Polk

MLB Joke of The Week

Why will the Orioles be too much for the Fortune list of top US companies? Because they will be greater than .500! 

Not so Fast, Republicans!

Figure this out: Jesus is sending Isaac, ie the bartender from the Love Boat, to Tampa Bay, ie Florida's version of Hoboken, to put a stop to the Nazis, ie the Republicans, from nominating the bully from the "Karate Kid', ie Mitt Romney, as President. I know it sounds like a lot of "ie's" but its all true!

Whats the Word?

Dr. Henry Jay Heimlich (born Henry Judah Heimlich; February 3, 1920) is an American physician who has received credit as the inventor of abdominal thrusts, more commonly known as the Heimlich maneuver. Did you know that this same Dr. Jay Heinrich Heimlich has a grandson, Cody, who is the star quarterback of the Garden City New Jersey Fighting Huguenots? Which just happens to be the most powerful high school football team on the entire eastern seaboard? Did you also know that this team was favored by three touchdowns against the Edison New Jersey Tungsten Filaments? But as the game unfolded, Heimlich missed open receivers, fumbled snaps, and generally crumbled under the pressure of securing an easy Championship victory. All coaches and local newspapers were at a loss as to how to adequately describe the phenomenon of a favored team failing to win a game through the actions of one player not performing anywhere near his capability. Sadly, grandpa could only stand on the sidelines and do nothing to prevent this from happening. Weird! 

Paul Ryan

Hey everybody, Paul Ryan got hisself two laws passed in 10 years in Congress. Thats two more laws than I got through in no years in Congress. One was a law about a tax on arrows; the other, naming a post office. As I said, better than me. 

Bad Brain News From Sweden

The Swedish Institute on Brain Research, otherwise known as "Svenskt Institue på hjärnforskning", has released some disturbing news: contrary to the myth that we are only using ten-percent of our brains, the truth is we are actually using closer to 99 percent of our brains. Some motivational speakers and professional athletes are somehow using 110 percent of their brains. Well, guess there's no reason to hold my calls now. 

Today We consider: Awkwardly Composed Drawings of Past Presidents

From the Files of the Library of Congress.Rutherford B. Hayes and Cabinet

Tim Tebow Boycotts Chick-Fil-A, Loves Him Some Texas Roadhouse

Jets Quarterback Tim Tebow said today that he thinks Chick-Fil-A should go "suck on his cleats" as he always hated the place, and not for any insensitive remarks but rather because "waffle fries are just creepy," and the Chick-Fil-A ad with the frightened, illiterate,  cows, "is kind of a sick play of the whole anthropomorphic angle in ads today." What does Tebow like? "I like the kind of steak you can only get at Texas Roadhouse.  I like a noisy, cavernous, dark restaurant, where Texas paraphernalia is ubiquitous. And I love them hand-cut Steak fries!”