Shock: Gingrich Makes Startling Claim Regarding President Obama

President Obama said his son might look like Trayvon Martin. Newt Gingrich called this remark "disgraceful." David Plouffe, adviser to President Obama, called Gingrich's remarks "reprehensible". Gingrich fired back today with a stunning proclamation aimed at the President. "President Obama, I am your father!" Note: Gingrich went on an "Up with People" trip to Hawaii when he was a sophomore in high school. 

TV Review: "Mad Men" Blew Chunks

After almost 4 years of patiently awaiting the new episode of "Mad Men" I anxiously sat in front of my television for the new episode hoping to see what happens to the gang at Sterling Draper Vincent Price Ad agency, martini in hand. Wait, if you haven't yet seen the episode please read no further as it will destroy your enjoyment. Okay then the episode begins, wait are you sure that you want to read further? This could really mess things up for you if you haven't seen it. It will annihilate your television viewing experience. Let me continue. Okay so the year is sometime in the 1960's. Wait, are you really certain that you want to continue, knowing that the pleasure that you derive from viewing this television masterpiece could be spoiled by reading further? By reading a review, it will remove all surprises. If I were you, I wouldn't read on. Don't read on, it will mess things up for you. You have so little to live for, what purpose would be served by reading a review of a show you haven't yet seen? Why would you destroy the enjoyment of this program, something you've been waiting so long for, by reading this? I can’t really go on; I don’t trust that you haven’t seen this episode and reading a review will ruin the only enjoyment you get in your sad little life. The good news for you is that the show was horrible beyond words.  

Tebow's Gracious Gesture to Manning

Tim Tebow's selflessness knows no bounds. While most players would have spent their last hours on a team that has traded them sulking or keeping to themselves, Tim Tebow dedicated the final hours of his tenure with the Broncos helping the QB who has come to replace him. "I can't believe how great this guy is," remarked new Denver QB Peyton Manning. "I told him I was going on a ride in the Rockies and he volunteered to look over my car and adjust the brakes for me. I can't believe he has been so gracious". When asked what adjustments he had made on the vehicle, Tebow responded, "oh..just nothing."

Shock: Manning's New Work Ethic

Peyton Manning, widely considered to be the hardest working player in the NFL, shocked the Denver Broncos when he revealed, after the contract signing, his new work ethic. Manning explained: "I was always the first guy in, last guy out at practice. I'm 36 years old man, maybe being the third or fourth guy in and the, say, tenth guy out, won't kill anyone. I mean, no point in being crazy. As far as watching film before games, what they going to teach me that I don't already know? Besides, I'll have plenty of time to watch football highlights when I retire. They asked me if I am already working out routes with my receivers. Whoa! Like there isn't going to be enough time for that in the next 5 months?"

Romney to Campaign In Arbutus Today, Town Buzzing with Anticipation

MLB Joke of the Week

Why did the Orioles bring a trampoline with them to Florida? They were told it was time for Spring training!

Arbutus Woman Recounts Brush with Greatness

Dorothy Shringle of Frederick Ave, Arbutus, recounts her "brush with greatness' in 1964. Shringle says she was visiting Paris, France, on a trip with her church group when she stepped into the elevator at her hotel. Shringle explains: "A black man with a dog walked into the elevator. The man said 'Lay down, Lady.' Naturally, I thought I was being robbed. Scared, I did as the man said, and laid on the floor of the elevator. The man looked at me with utter confusion. He got out at his floor and walked on. Years later, I realized that man was none other than the writer James Baldwin and that he had been commanding his dog, named 'Lady', to lie down." Wow!

Interview with a Seamus

GQ Italia, the Italian-edition of GQ magazine, recently obtained a coveted interview with none-other than Seamus Romney, former pet of Gov. Romney and family. Seamus, now 30 years old (210 in dog years-wow!) calls home the back of an arts-supply store in Dover, Delaware. In the interview, he recalls his now-infamous ride in a crate on top of the Romney station wagon for a 15 hour family trip to Canada. Seamus displayed a surprisingly ambivalent feeling about the incident. "'Seamus', they all say," said the Irish Setter, "tell us about the crate, the car, the ride. Please. Whatever, okay? I rode in a crate on top of a car. Is this so amazing? I’ll tell what would have been amazing- actually riding in the car with that family. Can you imagine this? 15 hours in a stale-air station-wagon listening to them sing 'John Jacob Jingle Heimer Schmidt' a million times over. Now for that, I would have deserved a medal. It would have been something. And watching the Father (Gov Romney) check himself out in the rear-view mirror for the thousandth time? I would have preferred they drop me off at the pound."

Catonsville Man's Magnificent Unwitting Discovery!

Edward Nigel, from Catonsville, MD, recently joined the ranks of the great geniuses of their day who discover more by accident than most of us do on purpose. Did you know that the product "post-it" was created by accident; the inventor of it was trying to make a chemical agent which glued things together permanently? It’s true. Likewise, Mr. Nigel inadvertently combined his "Lucky Charms" cereal with his "Frosted Mini-Wheats" and entered some kind of ecstatic level of breakfast nirvana on Thursday morning. Goes to show you, you never know!

Baltimore Area Entrepreneurial Spirit Lives!

John Richard Kennedy-Nixon

John Richard Kennedy-Nixon, a crack dealer from Glen Bernie, MD, has announced plans to begin selling advertising space on the crack pipes used by his customers. “It’s an untapped demographic. People need to be reached when they are in a positive state and also irrational. These make the best customers, the kind advertisers need to grab.” Pretty crafty, John Richard Kennedy-Nixon!

Enthusiastic Republican Voters Heading to Polls in Illinois Today

Wildly enthusiastic GOP voters head to the voting booth today, excitedly inspired by the choice of not two, but four,  awesome candidates. Wowsers!

Video on Virus Goes Viral

A video posted on YouTube has gone viral, spreading virulently throughout the internet. The viral video addresses various strains of a current virus. Story developing...

Sidewalks

Sidewalks, sometimes called “footpaths” or “pavements”, are pedestrian paths that run alongside of roads. Sidewalks are used for walking and usually are separated from the vehicle section of the road by means of a curb. Modern sidewalks are made of concrete; however, multi-used paths are sometimes made of asphalt.  The inventor of the sidewalk was Admiral Sir Edward Montegu, otherwise known as the Earl of Sandwich. When he wasn’t inventing sandwiches, he invented the sidewalk.

Aline Nakashima

Hey todos vocês brasileiros aqui é um modelo de sua garganta das madeiras, espero que você goste e continue lendo este blog. Ok Tenha um ótimo dia e voltem!

Spooky: Future Greatest QB Ever Right Now in the Second Grade

"..And the Anti-Leaf Will Rise from Among Them.."

In 1983, The then-Baltimore Colts drafted John Elway. 15 years later, the now Indianapolis Colts drafted Peyton Manning. 15 years after that, in 2012, the Colts will draft future Hall-of-Famer Quarterback Andrew Luck. Thereby, according to the Football Oracles, in 2027 these same Indianapolis Colts will use their first-round pick to draft one of the greatest Quarterbacks who will ever play the game. Somewhere, as we speak, roaming the world, this lad, or lass, is 7 years old. Does that scare you? To be honest, it did give me an unexpected case of the willies.

Shock: Study Reveals Some Dogs Nice..While Some Dogs Not So Nice

The Pewter Research Company announced the results of its study on the canine lupis familairis, a subspecies of the gray wolf, or Canis Lupus, a member of the canidae family of the mammalian order "Carnavora". The study produced some shocking results to say the least. While most of these so-called "Dogs" are affectionate and loving, some are also mean and tend to bark and perhaps bite. Puppies or "juvenile dogs" tend to fall into the former group, while "guard dogs" and dogs living on streets that you don't usually walk down tend to fall into the latter group. Story Developing...

Opinion: Palin Right about HBO's "Game Change"

As much as it pains this blog to admit, we have to side with Sarah Palin's rebuking of the HBO film "Game Change". Particularly offensive to both Palin and ourselves was the film producers' decision to cast 70's Rock Balladeer "Meat Loaf" as Trig Palin, Sarah Palin's special needs child. That's just wrong on so many levels!

The Allen Wrench or "Hex Key"

A hex key, Allen key, or Allen wrench (also known by various other synonyms) is a tool of hexagonal cross-section used to drive bolts and screws that have a hexagonal socket in the head (internal-wrenching hexagon drive).

The Allen® name is a registered trademark, originated by the Allen Manufacturing Company of Hartford, Connecticut circa 1910, and currently owned by Apex Tool Group, LLC. Its genericized use is discouraged by this company. The standard generic name used in catalogs and published books and journals is "hex key". (wikipedia)

Hex Keys of Various Sizes

George Vernon Hudson

George Vernon Hudson. You know the guy who comes to your work and proposes all these changes, then leaves, and the company has to live with the idiotic ideas forever, while he goes off to God-knows-where? If I were gainfully employed, I'd probably know the type as well. As it is, I give you the archetype for this: one George Vernon Hudson. Not satisfied with being the world's greatest entomologist and Arctic explorer, this big shot had to also become the world's greatest 'buttinsky' by coming up with the idea of "Daylight Savings Time". Gee, thanks, George Vernon Hudson for giving everyone confusion, lack of sleep, and irritability, then dying in 1946. Way to go, I guess its all in the game, right chappy?? You hear me, George Vernon Hudson?? You happy now?? Aww, I’m just joking with you all, I actually do have nothing but the warmest regards for one George Vernon Hudson.

Romney Fights Back Against Mandate Accusations

Former Gov. and Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney took the podium in Toledo yesterday to fire back at the charges that in 2009 he wrote an op-ed piece favoring mandates. "I have always been against men dating each other," said Romney. "Never in my life would I be for a man date. The idea! Okay, once, back in Harvard, I did kind of go out to a lunch with the head of the Economics department who was a guy who gave me a brooch at the end of the meal, which kind of weirded me out, and who turned out to be gay, so that was kind of a date if you look at it but since I didn't know it was a date at the time, it can't count. And that was 40 years ago. I wasn't for the man date then or now. Period."

Pat Robertson Blames Dinosaur Extinction on 'Lack of Prayer'

The Reverend Pat Robertson has a theory on why the Dinosaurs went extinct: Dinosaurs didn't pray enough. "If enough Dinosaurs would have prayed, God would've intervened, Jesus would have stilled the storm, and storms can be stilled." Robertson went on to explain on his TV program, (700 Club): "Lack of prayers, along with stomping around and being pissed at all the other Dinosaurs, plus all the Dinosaurs acting all loose… a Tyrannosaurus, a theropod, would think nothing of getting a little 'hey hey' from a Diplodocus, a sauropod. That's just wrong. What would you expect but for God to send an asteroid?" Story Developing...