New Stuff

Think of all the aggravation that comes from having to wait in line at 7-11 as a "stoner" stumbles to the counter with their big supply of items to satisfy their cravings. If only there existed a product that combined everything that they are looking for into one bag, it would be..Oh.

Postal Service budget cuts lead to Bartleby, the Scrivener, job termination

Bartleby, the Scrivener, found out Monday that he had been one of the latest victims in the recent wave of cuts in the postal service when he was informed that his job at the Dead Letters Office had been terminated. A fellow employee at the office described Bartleby's mood as even more depressed than usual. "The guy really looked gloomy when he found out. A bunch of us asked him if he'd like to go out for lunch on his last day and he just said he'd prefer not to. Poor bastard."

Tampa Bay Buccaneers Throw-back..or throw out??

On Sunday, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers played in their "throw-back" uniforms. Unfortunately, they lost the game when they were called for a penalty for illegal use of the '70's.

The National Football League

Dallas Cowboy’s coach Jason Garrett explained that he called time-out before his own kicker attempted a game-winning field-goal by saying he was trying to “ice” his own kicker due to the guy “being a little too big for his britches, walking around the locker all the time being snotty, and getting mad about the time I spilled appletini all over his duvet”…..Bear's coach “Lovie” Smith admits to having a strange fixation on 60’s character-actor Jim Backus…Can you solve this riddle? Aaron Rodgers and his son were in a car crash, Aaron passes and his son is rushed to the hospital, the surgeon comes out to operate and says “I can’t operate on this boy, he’s my son.” How is this possible? Answer: the surgeon was Aaron Rodgers….Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez admits to wanting to strive for inconsistency. Explains Sanchez: “Everyone is always going for consistency; I’m trying to blaze a trail and am striving for inconsistency. My childhood sports idol was QB David Krieg.”

NFL joke of the week Tim Tebow

NFL joke of the week..Why did Tim Tebow offend his pastor this week? Because he beat a Christian. Get it? Christian Ponder, Vikings QB. Funny!

Herman Cain Campaign update

Herman Cain announced today that his campaign staff had not gone to another Republican campaign, but instead had formed a troupe of trapeze artists. When questioned on this, Cain explained, "I told you all I was 'suspending my campaign' ".

New Clint Eastwood film

“C. McCarthy” is the latest film from director Clint Eastwood. As the face of ventriloquist dummies in America for almost 50 years, Charlie McCarthy was feared and admired, reviled and revered. But behind closed doors, he held secrets that would have destroyed his image, his career, and his life.

NFL joke of the week

Why did the NFL refs confirm Linda Blair's touchdown? Because they determined that she maintained possession! 

Ravens win! and other stuff

The Ravens won the Har-bowl. On Thanksgiving Day, we called one of three games correctly, which aint half bad. It's actually much worse than half bad since it is 33 percent while "half-bad" is 50 percent. Did you ever watch football in the 70's or 80's? If yes, do you recall how often the announcer would tell you that the holder for the field-goal attempt was the second-string quarterback, and so you need to "watch out for the possibility of the fake field-goal". Bob Trumpy and Don Criqui would say this at every game. In decades of watching pro football on TV, I have seen maybe one fake field-goal attempted during a game. In the last bit of football news, Ravens QB Joe Flacco threw a "frozen rope" with that TD pass in Thursday's game. A picture of a frozen rope has been provided in case you don't believe me. 

Ravens going to Win Har-bowl

The Ravens play the 49ers in Baltimore on Thanksgiving night in cold, cold, Baltimore. The 49ers do not want to be making this trip. It is a battle of wills and Harbaughs as John Harbaugh (Gallant) versus Jim "Slappy Hayes" Harbaugh (Goofus). Ravens will win 23-7. In related games, Packers still trying to tackle that guy from last week's game. They will lose to Detroit 30-27. Miami will beat Dallas 16-13. That is all for now. Glad to be back. 

President Bachmann

Well, the Ravens lost. So, I guess we have to look forward to a President Bachmann..oh well! (See previous post) So the Ravens did an 'onside kick' with 2:02 left, that wasn't advisable. Reason #377 that they lost tonight. The town will be calling for the head of Joe Flacco tomorrow. And not just metaphorically, there really could be torch-carrying mobs of angry people looking for Joe Flacco. Just kidding.

Ravens to trample on Los Angeles Jaquars..I think

Poor Basterds

The Ravens take on the soon-to-be Los Angeles, now Jacksonville, Jaguars tonight on MNF. It should be an easy victory, but they play the games for a reason- anything can happen. Jacksonville should never have been awarded an expansion team to begin with, but Paul Taglibue wanted the owners to have some house money (Bal'more) of which they could black-mail their home cities for better deals with stadium leases, etc. Anyway, Ravens should win this easily although stranger things have been known to happen. Yeah, and Michele Bachmann is going to be the next president. 

Occupy Baltimore

John "Quincy" Adams

Did you know that not only was John "Quincy" Adams our sixth president, but he was also one of the country’s first medical examiners? That's right, that John "Quincy" Adams. Adams used his position as M.E. to crusade for various causes. Often, his supervisors failed to believe in his hunches- but he was always proven right at the end. He was given to lengthy self-righteous speeches on everything from the dangers of punk rock to the fragility of the human spirit. John "Quincy" Adams lived on a houseboat and liked to hang out at a local drinking establishment all before such things were considered "cool". He fared really well with the honeys. This was, of course, long before he became President John "Quincy" Adams. Not too shabby at all.

Trying again..Ravens to start slowly, but beat Rams

Rams are pretty good. They were undone by the bad acting of the New York Giants last week. They will keep the Ravens close, but the Bmores will win 27-17. This blog will get better after the Ravens win. Thanks for listening...and not sharing.

Ravens to start slow but beat Titans

The Ravens will start sluggishly today. They will make mistakes early in the game coming off the emotional beat-down at home of the Steelers. Then, in the third and fourth quarters, they will make some big plays to pull ahead of the Titans. The Titans will give it a spirited effort but the final will be 27-20 Ravens.

ECC calls the blow-out

Hey, we predicted the blow-out. Isn't that something? The Ravens won 35-7, not too shabby for a regular season start. Now let's all meet up for a flash mob down at the stadium, just kidding.

Ravens to blow-out Steelers today

Ravens face the Steelers today in the opening game of the 2011 season. The Ravens look to win the game in an easy blow-out, 63-2. Joe Flacco will throw 5 touchdowns and the Ravens will be putting in their second string by the third quarter. The Steelers will avert the shut-out through a bad call muffled punt safety. By the end of the game, you will feel sorry for them.

Perry does "Hide the Quarter" sleight of hand at debate

Gov. Rick Perry performed the "Hide the Quarter" magic trick for the bemusement of Rep. Ron Paul during a commercial break at the most recent Republican debate.

Cheney wins award

Former Vice-President Dick Cheney can add yet another award to his already-crowded stockpile of honors. The Science-Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America (SFWA) have bestowed upon Cheney the coveted "Nebula" award, an honor given the best fantasy, sci-fi work published this year. Cheney won for his recent work "In My Time". The SFWA committee hailed the work as being 'amazingly inventive and brilliantly imaginative'. Jan Steneroud, prominent annotator of fantasy literature described Cheney's work as “an almost genius accomplishment in creating a world and scenarios so removed from anything in known existence, along the lines of Asimov or Lovecraft for the depth of its boldness and fantastic vision."