Catonsville Man Unwittingly Walked Around for Three Weeks in "Skipper" Pants

Ben Dover, of Catonsville, MD, walked around for the last three weeks wearing the same pants as 'Skipper" Jonas Grumby from 'Gilligan's Island'. "Everywhere I went, people were breaking up when I'd leave..I wasn't sure why, at least now I know." A little upset that no one informed him of what he was doing at at earlier point, Dover was grateful that a co-worker left an anonymous note on his desk last Tuesday. "Thank God, someone finally told me, but it would have been nice if it would have been sooner." Luckily, no one was injured in the three weeks of wearing the "Skipper" pants.

The Fall- And Rise of the Birds of Baltimore

It feels like autumn. The Bengals stopped by downtown Baltimore last night and, like many who come in from out-of-town, weren't ready for some Baltimore. Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco threw the rock all over the field, man, it was crazy. Speaking of crazy, in baseball the rest of the major leagues look in utter terror at the horrifying grotesque that is the macabre Oriole symbol, the grim rictus of the Bird. Horrifying to them because they can't figure out how a team with so little on-paper talent can win so many games. Get used to it baseball, we're going to scare the hell out of you in the next month. Okay maybe not scare you but hopefully pull a couple of upsets!

Dallas Cowboys

After much soul-searching, the Dallas Cowboys have decided to forego one of their team’s greatest traditions- the act of pretending your team has recovered every fumble regardless of how obvious it is that you didn’t. The tradition was created by Bob Lilly in a 1970 Thanksgiving Day game against the Washington Redskins when, after a Redskin’s fumble, Lilly began to leap up and down and excitedly point towards the Cowboys end-zone even though it was clear that the Redskins had maintained possession. After that play, the Cowboys have replayed this act each time a fumble occurs in one of their games. Will the Cowboys stick to their vow to end this embarrassing tradition? We will see tonight!

NFL Predictions 2012

All the MFers out there be making outside-the–box NFL predictions for 2012. I’m making my predictions all inside da box. Of course you know I pick the Ravens to win it all. The teams in the AFC to go with the Ravens into the play-offs will be the Patriots, Steelers, Texans, Broncos, and Chargers. The NFC will give us the Giants, Eagles, Packers, Bears, Saints, and 49ers. The Packers will meet (and lose to) the Ravens in the Big Superbowl Game. Got it?

Close Call at the Romney Office

You know that scene in movies where someone leaps and shouts “nooooo” while everything goes in slow motion? It’s usually when the protagonist of the film is trying to stop something such as a bomb from going off, a baby from being dropped, or a gun from being shot. Turns out the exact scene was played out at Mitt Romney’s office the other day when Mitt’s secretary buzzed him with the warning, “sir, Mr. Eastwood coming in to see you.” Well, being anything if not alert, Mitt made the cinematic slow-motion “nooo” leap towards the wall before Clint could open the door. Mitt yanked down his J.D. diploma from Harvard before Clint could see it…since Clint said the country doesn’t need “lawyers” in roles of leadership anymore. Whew, that was close!